What you should do if you suspect your coworker is trying to sabotage you

The very first time I met my former coworker, my instincts told me something was off. She entered every meeting on a mission: Like an investigative journalist, she wanted to know every little detail of what everyone was working on. She asked a lot of questions, fished for confidential information, and had a reputation for doing little to no work. She knew I had strong relationships with the executive team and CEO; they all trusted me, and frequently pulled me into confidential conversations and asked me to lead high priority projects. She felt threatened, so she started to sabotage me.She started a rumor that I was purposely being excluded from a leadership meeting. The truth was I was on vacation.  Then she took credit for one of my ideas and passed it off as her own. It wasn’t even a particularly good idea, so I didn’t worry about it—I had plenty of other ideas. She moved on to publicly disagreeing with me, and questioning me in team meetings in front of others. I would smile and not get overly emotional; I would present the facts, answer her questions, and eventually another team member would move the meeting along. As all this happened over the course of the year, continuing to build, I ignored it. I kept making impact work. I decided not to do or say anything. I took what I thought was the high road, and it was a mistake. Controlling the story being told about you I was convinced my hard work, my relationships, and my reputation would overshadow her efforts to sabotage me. What I didn’t realize is that her efforts slowly chipped away at my leadership brand. When the company was being restructured, and my team was eliminated, I considered internal opportunities. One of the executives said to me, “In the absence of you not defending yourself, this is the story being told about you.” In the end, for a number of reasons, I ended up leaving that company to pursue new opportunities. And the lesson I learned was a hard one: A coworker sabotaging you can have a significant impact on your reputation at work. If you think a coworker is trying to sabotage you, here’s my advice to address it. Be careful what information you share with them In the case of my former coworker, she was always fishing for more information. And yet, she would share little of her work and what she was up to. She would withhold information, but repeatedly ask for access to my decks and my documents, and any work items she could get her hands on. At first, I would share items to be a good coworker, and then I started realizing she was using the information I gave her to set the stage to sabotage me. Don’t make the mistake I made: Be careful with what information you share with a coworker who you think may be sabotaging you. If you are working on a specific project together, you may have to share information. And watch out for repeated requests for information that doesn’t involve them or they really don’t need to know about. Finally, be careful about sharing personal information; they may later use this to spread gossip about you. Be direct and defend yourself As a woman of color, I am hyper aware of how “being direct” and “defending myself” can be perceived in the workplace. The coworker who was sabotaging me was a white woman on a mostly white leadership team. I was doing a careful dance not to rock the boat and be accused of being emotional, angry, or threatening. At times, I felt stuck in a lose lose situation. So, I mostly ignored this coworker and just let it all go. But the truth that I ignored is this: if you aren’t direct and don’t defend yourself, you are allowing this individual to negatively impact your reputation. Here are some situations I wish I had handled differently, being direct without putting them on the complete defensive: When this coworker confronts you with a lie, nip it in the bud. “I am not sure where you heard that from. That’s not true. Please don’t repeat it.” When a coworker steals your idea, call them on it: “Glad to see you are incorporating the idea I shared in our last 1:1. I appreciate you also crediting and including me as you launch this project.” When a coworker acts like your boss and tries to assign you work: “My plate is full and I am aligned with my boss on what I can and cannot help with. Good luck with the project.” When a coworker purposely excludes you from a meeting: “Is there a reason I wasn’t included in Monday’s meeting about my project? I didn’t see anything come through on my calendar. Please be sure to include me moving forward.” You want to ensure the coworker sabotaging you knows that you know exactly what they are doing. Be prepared that they may deny doing or saying any of the things you bring up with them. There’s no need to use the word “sabotage,” but you have to call them out on their specific behavior. And start to take notice of all the things they are doing. Document what’s happening and alert your boss I did